it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
