i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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