Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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