there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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