how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
