No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
