Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
