I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
