Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I would fuck him just for his dog
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