Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
