Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
