Can i not drive my cunt home
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
