She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
