Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
