I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
