I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
