How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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