all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
