Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
