i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
