I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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