I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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