Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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