She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize