I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on