God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs