Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
