Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
40s are totally the cure
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!