Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
