Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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