I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
