Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
