The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
