I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
