i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
