i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
