Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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