I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's always time for handjobs
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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