You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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