I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
