We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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