my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
