I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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