batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
