everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
