The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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