New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
