I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
