No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
