4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
