never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
