He uses pillows to masturbate.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The adults are the big ones right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
