Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
