i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
