How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
