We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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