I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
