Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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