I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize