She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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