I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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