i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
