after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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