I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
