oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
