At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
