I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
