I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
