see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
