I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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