your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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