remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
