I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
