Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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