I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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