So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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