she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
