I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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