is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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