I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
