For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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